PORN LOVER COULDN’T WAIT

"En route to an adult book store in the Florida Keys, Amado Enrique Gaure, 20, apparently said: “The hell with it! I’m going to do it now!”

Cops claim a woman driving by saw Gaure exposing himself to her and he allegedly admitted to masturbating while walking along a path because he was “impatient.”

The tres impatient Gaure was booked into jail on charges of indecent exposure, marijuana possession and possession of drug paraphernalia."

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Snake slithers out of toilet, bites Florida man on ar

" CORAL SPRINGS, Fla. (AP) - Authorities say a ball python slithered out of a toilet and bit a South Florida man on the arm. Coral Springs police spokesman Chris Swinson said the man was treated at the scene after the 4-foot (1.2-meter) snake bit him when he lifted the toilet seat on Sunday morning. The snake is nonvenomous. Swinson told news outlets the snake didn't belong to the man and it was unclear how it got into the apartment. The South Florida SunSentinel reports the Coral Springs Humane Society took the snake to a veterinarian's office. It was being treated for a scale infection. Over the years other creatures have found their way into toilets in South Florida, including an iguana freed by Fort Lauderdale Fire Rescue in March." Source

Booty dancing, twerking and shoplifting all wrapped up in one crime

"In the annals of crime it wasn’t the most lucrative shoplifting caper but it may have been one of the most showy. Police in Pembroke Pines are trying to identify two women who investigators say are seen on a store’s security surveillance system stealing nearly $400 worth of merchandise from a clothing store. The showy part? On the surveillance video, one of the two women is seen walking down a shiny checkerboard-colored aisle — racks of colorful clothing to her left and to her right — as she starts wiggling her hips, bending down and thrusting out her prominent rear end in a booty dance twerking motion. It’s not known if this was a planned distraction or sudden impulse that played out April 26 during a shoplifting spree at the MadRag women’s clothing store at 626 N. University Dr. Pembroke Pines police Thursday released surveillance images and video of the two women who investigators say left the store with more than $377 worth of items without pa...

Three naked women at a rest stop. A wild police chase. A metal bat and a taser. Welcome to the Sunshine State

"It’s tough being a cop in the Sunshine State. They have to face down crazies with guns, crazies behind the wheel — and naked women “air drying” out in the open after a shower at a rest stop. So far, maybe not so difficult. At least not until the women try to run over a trooper, start wielding a metal bat, take off in their car and have to be tasered, WTSP.com reports. The trouble began Wednesday morning at a rest stop on northbound I-75 in Pasco County. “There’s three women standing in the nude putting on suntan lotion,” one of the troopers is heard saying in dispatch call audio.but the officers didn’t have time to get the naked truth about what was going on. The women ran to their Nissan Sentra and drove away at speed, according to the Florida Highway Patrol. The trooper began to chase the Nissan, but backed off for safety reasons. More troopers tracked the car to a convenience store parking lot on State Road 52. But when an officer tried to make an arrest, the wo...

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